I handed in my notice of resignation at my job today in preparation for my rapidly approaching trip to Europe. No matter how many times I've done it, handing in a resignation always makes me excited. New vistas, new possibilities, poverty... Well, the last one's not that attractive.

As my mind always does, I got to thinking of how this excitement could apply to life in general. Suddenly I was struck with a thought (it didn't hurt too much) and the following happened:

Dear Spirit of this Age

I am writing this letter to give notice of my resignation, effective immediately, as your slave. As you have breached our contract in many ways throughout the years, I am not granting you the customary two weeks notice.

My time in your employment (dare I call it that?) was, in a word, terrible. There was a constantly repeated pattern of unfulfilled promises and shattered dreams that characterized my time in your employ. Perhaps I will offer an example.

I was often told that money would make me happy and contented. And yet, I never had enough of it. I was always promised that it was just around the corner. All I needed was to work a little harder, invest a little better, etc. Well, I must say that the more I pursued money, the more miserable and anxious I was. Big promises, no delivery.

Now, where else could I like for these broken promises? Casual sex, drugs, the latest consumer good, the right body; the list could go on and on. You constantly told me with your flashy ads and your persuasive logic that all the things I was doing to be happy were going to give me a grand life.

It was at this point that I received a job offer from the competition. I must say, the compensation was not what I was used to--what good are "treasures in heaven," really?--but I figured that I'd look into it a bit further. They informed me that my contract with you was for life, no matter how often you broke it, so I needed to die in order to come work for them. These were strange terms, but as I was determined to cease my employment with you, I decided to take the plunge and "lose my life to find it."

I must say, their advertising isn't flashy, but working for the Kingdom of the Heavens is sure great. On my first day, I was promoted to the top! Well it's the bottom, which is the top, but we're all levelled out now. I'm no longer afraid or anxious, I have peace like I've never known, and I didn't have to buy it or work for it! In fact--and I know you'll just hate this idea--they just gave it to me. I was so surprised, it killed me. Really.

So, I'm off to pilfer more of your employees--slaves, really--to come and work for us. Our work environment is exhilarating, and our retirement package absolutely trounces your silly little RRSPs.