So, the Wiebe family just made a major purchase prior to the Europe trip. We purchased a Pentax istDL digital SLR camera. That means that it's all fancy and professional-like. Jac got some money from her parents for a deferred grad gift, so we'll know be able to take pictures in Europe that'll be so good it'll hurt our brains. Ouch.

So, the old Sony's on the way out. (As a side note, if anybody wants to buy a Sony DSC-P52 with a 128 MB Memorystick for fairly cheap, talk to Jac or I). The Sony took so-so pictures and you couldn't change any settings, obviously. Well, the settings on the Pentax are customizable heaven! And seriously, the clarity is light years better.

Here's my first foray into playing around with the new camera. I decided to take some pics of the emerging buds from the trees in front of our house. Seeing the new greenery come to life in spring always makes me happy.






Hmm... I guess this makes me a budding photographer...

Interesting. I'm sorting through old crap to decide what to bring and what to leave behind when I discovered an old journal. I wrote it sometime in the afternoon and I became a follower of Christ later the same evening. Weird.

6/18/00

I always have a bit of a problem starting to write. "What should I write about?" I ask myself. But at this point in time I think that it's the writing itself that I need to focus on, not the subject material. For once in my life I want to actually dedicate myself to something, not to the same half-ass job of this that I always seem to do.

I think that I have a fear of failure. Some part of me is always so afraid that I won't succeed even if I do give it my all. So, if I never try too hard, I never really failed, did I? It's some pretty twisted logic, but humans are far from rational beings.

And therein lies my other biggest problem in life: I try so hard to be calm, rational, and above all else, unemotional. I need a little more emotion in my life. I've become pretty withdrawn into myself from a lot of people. It's selfish of me to keep myself to myself all the time. The only problem is that I keep thinking that I'll only do more harm than good.

Another thing I've come to realize is that I'm just too closed off to the world around me and the people in it. I need to open myself up to hurt and pain again in order to feel pleasure and love. Love most importantly of all. My world's become too small, too much is only my family, which is probably the root of all my problems.

As always, I am a man of inaction. I think about all my problems, identify their possible and/or probable causes, but I do nothing about them, carrying on the same as always. Far too often I let indecision make my decision for me.

Well, as you can hear in that, I was searching for real life big time. I knew all too well what was wrong with me, but I had no power to do anything about it. Thank You Jesus, for taking me from where I was to where I am now. I truly see that without You, I would still be wallowing in my pain; the world cut off from me and me hiding from the world. Thank You that You're at work in all the areas of my life that sound so much like what I said almost six years ago. Thank You for giving Yourself for me and to me.

I got to WCV on Saturday night, ready to join in the worship watch leading up to Easter Sunday. I found Nathan C. playing his djembe on the back steps, interceding for the working girls.



I joined Nathan in the rhythm of prayer and play.



Just like our hands, the passage of time became blurry.



A new friend hobbled up and, without a word, added to the rhythm with what was available to him. The division between white and red became as blurred as his sticks; the sounds were resoundinly clear. This was a sacred moment.



Things moved inside, where we continued to fuse the movements of our hands and our hearts.



The rhythms weave in and out of each other as they fuse to express something so much more than the sum of its parts. This is church, these are the called-out-ones.

This is truly the best news that the world could hope for. I wish I lived more like I believed it.

After the Sabbath, as the first light of the new week dawned, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to keep vigil at the tomb. Suddenly the earth reeled and rocked under their feet as God's angel came down from heaven, came right up to where they were standing. He rolled back the stone and then sat on it. Shafts of lightning blazed from him. His garments shimmered snow-white. The guards at the tomb were scared to death. They were so frightened, they couldn't move.

The angel spoke to the women: "There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as he said. Come and look at the place where he was placed.

"Now, get on your way quickly and tell his disciples, "He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there.' That's the message."

The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. "Good morning!" he said. They fell to their knees, embraced his feet, and worshiped him. Jesus said, "You're holding on to me for dear life! Don't be frightened like that. Go tell my brothers that they are to go to Galilee, and that I'll meet them there."

Matthew 28:1-10 from the Message paraphrase

What can I say to a mystery so great as the cross?

This is one of the pivotal moments in all of history. The birth, death and resurrection of Jesus are the fulcrum of the ages.



My method here is going to be a little old-school. Instead of trying to wax all theological, I'm simply going to insert some scriptures and add a few (hopefully) short reflections. Instead of trying to figure out this great mystery, I'm simply going to approach with fear and trembling and bow down.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8)

Jesus, you gave your life for me? Help me to move beyond the Christianese of that phrase and meditate on its wonder. I was your enemy, but you love your enemies and die in their place. You have truly made love into an action, and oh, what an action! It's because of this that I see that I don't really love until I'm willing to die for that person.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God (1 Corinthians 1:18)

Jesus, how you turn the world upside-down, or is it right side up? That an unjust death on a cruel instrument of torture and execution would be the best news in all of history is truly shocking. Jesus, help me never to lose the wonder of something so great and terrible that we never could have imagined in a million years.

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. (Romans 6:6-7)

Sin is no longer my master. Thank you Jesus, that you are now my good master. I know that I don't like to think in terms of sin very often these days, but my life was full of it, and it was killing me. Thank you Jesus for killing my old self so that all of the junk that I'd accumulated could be blasted away.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Galatians 1:20)

Jesus, somehow you dying on the cross gives me a new lease on life, and the chance for a new kind of life: your kind. I'm glad that you live in me so that I can really live.

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. (John 19:28-30)

Jesus, thank you that it is finished. It is done. I'm so baffled that I don't have to earn a stinking thing. You earned it for me?

Your arms were open wide. You had them forced there, but you chose it all the same. I know that I drove you there, just as you're driving me there now. Help me to follow you, carrying around that strange paradox of death that brings life within me. Help me to meditate on those dark days when nobody knew that you were coming back from the dead. Help me to feel the despair and anguish of those who were now so confused and lost. They are me, and I know it. Help me not to deceive myself.

Jesus: your death for me and for the world is too wonderful for me to comprehend.

So, this is my worldwide audience. Since signing up for ClustrMaps on March 21, I've had 406 visits from every continent except Africa. Well, my Asia representation is pretty weak too, with only Japan representing. It's strange that there's that many people out there reading my verbal diarrhea.




The internet is a strange, strange place.

Hello all. I'd like to take this opportunity to shamelessly plug Shane Claiborne's book The Irresistible Revolution. If you're wondering about how to follow Jesus in a real way, this book's for you. If you can't afford it, I might even buy it for you or give you mine. It's been a while since a book captured me like this.

Shane is what some might call and "activist" or a "hippie." Mostly, he's just trying to figure out what love and discipleship really are and actually live them. I'm passionate about that first two and very bad at the last one. I hope that this changes.

One reflex I've always had to activists was to dismiss them and despise them, even as I found myself agreeing with much of what they had to say; even when it sounded a lot like Jesus. I was confused, but Claiborne, being a man of action, has experienced activist circles from the inside and gave voice to my stumbling blocks. I hope that this helps at least one person other than me. Here's a few paragraphs:

Dumbfounded and outraged by the apathy of the church, I've at times gravitated toward circles of social dissenters, protesters, and activists. We've shouted at the system that was hurting so many of our friends, and we've yelled at the church to wake up. But I saw very little fruit from those days. My ripped jeans and punk rock hair made me feel pleasantly distant from the "filthy rotten system," but I also found myself estranged from sincere folks who were polarized by the way we preached the truth.

I went to the rallies and marched in the streets. I got arrested for "nonviolent direct action" and "civil disobedience" over and over, losing count after around a dozen times. But my hopes for a perfect revolution were dashed by human imperfection. Among my activist friends, I began to feel a self-righteousness mirroring that of conservative Christianity. I felt an aggressiveness and judgmentalism reminiscent of that which I had grown to despise in the church. I sat through meetings to plan rallies and marches where people argued and gossiped like the best church committee or trustee meeting, destroying one another in their fervor to build a better world. I handed out flyers to convert people to the movement and felt as coercive and detached as I did handing out Christian tracts at the mall.

Later, he adds the following:

Just as "believers" are a dime a dozen in the church, so are "activists" in social justice circles nowadays. But lovers are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of--lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of street activists but of lovers--a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people, and who allow those relationships to disturb and transform them.

That's just a taste of the book. It's advocating a life of following Jesus, not a life about "issues." Shane gets called "fundamentalist" by his activist friends and "Marxist" by his conservative friends. I like that, especially because he can actually call both of them friends. Read the book.

I've been tagged:

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:

1. McDonald's
2. Grinder in an Iron Foundry
3. DASCH (group home for mentally handicapped adults)
4. Educational Assistant

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I'VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:

1. Star Trek: The Next Generation
2. Transformers
3. Wayne's World
4. Austen Powers

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:

1. Winkler, Manitoba
2. Ottawa, Ontario
3. Winnipeg, Manitoba
4. St. Stephen, New Brunswick

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:

1. Ireland
2. Israel
3. Germany
4. Russia

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:

1. that I have it all together.
2. that I'm too "holy" to be around the roughness of real life and real people
3. that I've had a charmed, perfect life - FAR from the truth
4. that I'm always serious (ask Jac!)

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some people):

1. Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi
2. My dad
3. uhhh
4. ??

FOUR THINGS (I HOPE) TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. Grasp all the mysteries of space and time
2. Take myself less seriously
3. Get out of student debt
4. Live like I'm actually alive


PEOPLE I TAG NEXT:

Nobody. I only did this survey because I felt intense, crushing guilt. Well, not quite that bad.