Rest and Restlessness: Lord, Lord...

I wonder sometimes if I will come before the Lord at the end of time and say "Lord, Lord, did I not think on You all of the time and attempt to plumb the depths of Your ways?" (see Matthew 7:21-23 ... and read it as if he meant it)

And I can hear Him saying, "I don't believe we've met. I was the poor, the needy and destitute. You and those you surrounded yourself with were rich in knowledge but poor in love. You were so busy thinking about love in the abstract that you neglected to love Me in those who were disturbing your solemn reverie all around you.

My son, my son. My gifts are always meant to be perpetually given away. Your intelligence is not yours. I gave you this gift that I may serve those that I love through you. And yet this very thing you stubbornly resisted!"

I don't know if He'd say "away from me, I never knew you" at that point, but I'd fear it. Of course, this is merely speculation, but I don't think that it's anywhere near impossible.

The thing is, I'm pretty much constantly battling whether or not learning and knowledge is of much use in the kingdom. Overall, I believe that it is, but oh, how I struggle sometimes. I fear that I will exchange knowledge of Him (relational) for knowledge about Him and His world (informational).

I guess this is my journey. Not for a second do I subscribe to the anti-intellectualism of the evangelical portion of the church. It is important for Christians - especially leaders - to be well informed and educated, because the world happens to be a very complex place. Knowledge is not necessarily wisdom, but the more knowledge we have, the more potential there is for wisdom, if we will have humble hearts towards Jesus.

It's probably a faith issue, as always. Will I trust Him or my knowledge? Proverbs 3:5-6 sure springs to mind in a hurry:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight

As I ponder this further, I suppose that it's a positive sign that I'm asking this question. If I was positive that knowledge is unequivecably good and that I could not be in danger of loving knowledge more than God, then I'd be in trouble. I guess this wrestle is one that I need.

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Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it?

If Jesus is calling us to a narrow way, the ditches on either side are pretty large.

I can't say I'm all that thrilled about seeing any of this "learning" stuff affect my relationships, or my housegroup interactions, or really my relationship with Jesus. (thus far anyway)

On the other hand, if I had some kind of position in leadership, I'd be quite happy to point to history and solid theology when people want to do weird and "not helpful" stuff at church.

At least, if they stand up and say they are Nestorians I'll be able to think "hmmm, that's bad, and here's why." If people are not kind enough to label themselves then I'll have a problem...

Finals are sucking my brain out, so I don't have to make sense! =)

Yo, That was like nourishment to my soul. Your writing is that of one who's been utterly broken by the Lord. With this brokenness comes a heart of utter desperation and dependence on Him - the immovable place inside of you that causes broken, vulnerable, and honest words like this to come out. It's the pleading of a child who, looking at his hero (hopefully his dad, though sadly rare), longs more than anything else to please him. And it's the honest questioning in the spirit of David - crying: "Search me oh God, and known my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting" - that, though messy, will enable you to walk humbly before your God, keeping first things first (loving the Lord your God, of course).
Bless ya.

matt

thanks for writing the way you are ... i feel inspired when i read your thoughts on your blog. most of all thankyou for your vulnerability, what a beautiful gift. you really are a brilliant young man who is not afraid to speak about the deep places through gifts of simplicity and honesty. i love it!

when are you going to write a book?

Thanks for your comments everyone.

Cam: I think you're on track when you say that an understanding of history and theology is tremendously useful in leadership

Tony: Cheers mate. I'm hoping that some of what you said is the case.

Sheri: Thanks for your kind words. I again hope that some of that is true. I definitely know that book writing isn't too terribly immanent... but who knows, right?